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What It Means to Love Someone in the Way That They Need

A constant thought has been on my mind for the majority of today. It began this morning, when I got into an argument with my boyfriend. It sounded simple to me- All I asked was if we could put our relationship back on Facebook. I was tired of random guys from high school reaching out to me, I wanted it public that I have a boyfriend.

In the same respect, I wanted other girls to know that my boyfriend was taken. I enjoyed that sense of ease knowing that our status is publicly displayed. So began the  arguing…

And on another note, I asked, “We haven’t posted pictures of each other on instagram in so long.” Because I miss it. I miss when he would post pictures of me, telling the world and all his friends how much I meant to him, how much he loved me. I never wanted to be that couple that posts obnoxiously long paragraphs out into the public, but I love sweet gestures that show he cares about me, that he wants to show me off.

So our argument ended and I left. I spent the majority of my morning feeling stupid as shit. For one, I am not the type of person who posts everything on social media. I actually hate that. My Facebook is mostly youtube videos of music that I like, and occasionally I upload my pictures. I’m not one to type huge paragraphs about what people mean to me, I don’t tell people what I’m eating for dinner, I don’t announce when I am exercising, etc.

But yeah, it would be nice to publicly have it said that yes, my boyfriend and I are in fact, together. It would be sweet for him to post a picture of me or a picture of us and show me off to his friends.

And as I’m sitting here thinking and feeling so bad and so guilty for such a silly argument, I’m realizing that I shouldn’t feel that way at all.

Because consider, that not all people appreciate love and feel loved in the same way. Some people need to feel love in different ways, and I believe that my boyfriend and I feel love in different ways.

What I mean by this is, so many people give those that they love, the love that they would feel good receiving. 

For example, if my boyfriend feels loved when I show him physical signs that I love him (holding his hand, kissing him, etc), then he is most likely going to assume that by kissing me, I will feel loved. (And don’t get me wrong, I do!) Through dating him, I have also noticed that he feels loved when we are able to give each other space to work on ourselves. (He feels great when he can work all day and hang out with his friends without me getting upset or making a big deal out of his absence). So in that respect, it is no wonder why if I don’t hear from him for most of the day, I assume something is wrong, whereas he feels like things are great.

As mentioned, I feel loved when my boyfriend posts a picture of us together. When he sends me a sweet text throughout the day, or posts something funny on my wall that I would appreciate. I love the little small things, the little gestures that mean the most.

So rather than feeling like a needy, high maintenance girlfriend, I am just learning to accept that my guy and I don’t need the same things to feel love. While one of us loves small, sometimes public acts of affection, another one prefers space and having the ability for each other to have time to themselves.

With this new mindset to consider, I think it’s really important to make sure that I am loving him how he needs to be, and also to make sure that he is meeting me halfway. If I am doing the things that make him feel loved, then that feeling should be reciprocated, even if it is in a different way.

Please tell me your thoughts!

Megan

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